How to develop Love

how does love work?

Love can be developed in many ways, but the most effective way is through looking at the Master, into the eyes of the Master. Eyes are the windows of the soul. The Master is always within at the eye focus, so when you talk to Him, you should always be attentive there. He is also attentive when He talks and soul speaks to soul. The Master gives lessons through the eyes without talking. He is overflowing with the love and intoxication of God, and the radiation comes through His eyes very strongly. Those who are embedded in His eyes by receptivity get a boost. There are other means too, but this is the most effective.

This is how we should attend Satsang, so as to derive full benefit from it. When you come to the place of Satsang, just forget your homes. When you come here and sit, forget everybody else. You will even forget your own body. Just be embedded into the eyes of the Master. You will forget your body because eyes are the windows of the soul, and the soul radiates its impressions through the eyes.. This is the most effective way of developing love. There are other means, such as having the society of those people who are overflowing with the love of their Guru. When two disciples of the Master sit together, their love for the Master will flare up.

When you happen to go to a Master, just embed your attention into His eyes. Because He is overflowing with the love and intoxication of God, that comes direct to you. With the overflowing love in Him, what words cannot convey, His eyes can convey. Those very impressions go into the heart and wherever you sit, you will enjoy that sweetness. This is how love develops. Who gives it? It is first He who loves us. It is first the mother who loves the child. The child's love is only reciprocal. The question then arises, how to maintain this love? We should not be business-like. Sometimes we want this and that thing of the world. We should wholly have the love of the Master for the love of the Master. This is how that love can be maintained. What sort of love is required? We should have always a respectful love. Sometimes out of love we transcend our bounds. Sometimes we just try to vie with the Master. Well, the king is the king and the minister is the minister. The king may give the minister a good position and even make the minister sit by his side. Still the minister should think that he is a minister, not the king. Because of misunderstanding, we sometimes transcend the bounds of love. The king will not say anything but he will see that it is not respectful.

I was just relating a story of Humayun, who was a great king of India. He had one servant, Ayaz by name, whom he loved most of all. His ministers approached him and said, "It is a very strange thing, you love your servant so much that you do not love us. Why is this so?" The king replied, "Because my servant takes me as king." His ministers then said, "Do we not take you as king?" "No, not the least," replied the king. One day, the king sent for a cup that was embedded with jewels from his treasure house. It was a very costly cup, the most costly of all his treasures. The king put it in front of him and asked each one of his ministers to break it. He ordered them to break it. Each minister said, "O king, this is a most valuable thing, one of the wonders of the world, it should not be broken." One by one, all of the ministers refused to break the cup. The king then called his servant and said to him, "Break it!" Without any hesitation, the servant took a stick in his hand and broke the cup. The king then said to his servant, "Don't you know that you have broken a very valuable treasure?" The servant replied, "O king, this cup has no value as compared to the cup of your order."

You follow me? Implicit obedience and love which is always respectful gives you more than any other discipline. You may have other enjoyments, other appreciations, but unless you remain a minister, you will lose out. He might give you the kingship, but even then you should remain a minister at heart. Once I wrote to my Master and craved Him for love (it is the Master who can give love; it is He who first loves us), but such a love which was respectful. He got that letter and put it on His breast and said, "I want love, but it should be a respectful love."

So these are the teachings which are given here. How love can be developed; how it can be maintained and further, who gives it. Also, what sort of love it should be. It should always be in a respectful mood. God is love. Love is innate in our soul and the way back to God is also through love. All performances, making obeisance and other things are the symbols of the respect that you have got at heart. The more you develop that way the better, and, as I told you, the most effective way is through the eyes. One love pouring glance from the Master will go to the very depths of your heart and you will remember it all through your life; you cannot forget it.

These details are not given in the books. These are practical things which you learn from a practical man. If you get it, well, as I told you the other day, you will be detached from the world, you will have detachment at heart. When you are attached to One wholly and solely, that is true renunciation. That love which cannot be expressed by words is expressed through the eyes of the Giver to the eyes of the receiver and goes to the very depths of the heart. So this is what is meant by these little talks here. We must understand and see, find out where we stand.

Infatuation VS Love

Love and Infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another person. These feelings are most often confused for each other by many people. But the two feelings differ in their actuality of love, intensity and final outcome.

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relationship when sexual attraction is central. Love can be described as feeling of intense affection for another person. It is most often talked about as an emotion between two persons. Hence is also sometimes referred to as interpersonal love.

Comparison chart

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	Infatuation	Love
Definition:	Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning desire.	A decision to commit oneself to another and to work through conflicts instead of giving up. A deeper understanding or care.
Feelings associated with:	All consuming euphoria similar to recreational drug use (addictive chemical reactions in the brain), stupidity (cupidity)	A deep affection; contentment, confidence.
Sub-Categories:	Physical desire, crush, or lust , hormonal activity, addictive chemical reactions in the brain	Intimacy, commitment, security.
Symptoms:	urgency, intensity, sexual desire, anxiety, high risk choices, reckless abandonment of what was once valued	Faithfulness, confidence. Willingness to make sacrifices for another. Working at settling differences. Able to compromise so that either both win or at least give the other person's opinion a chance.
Person to Person:	reckless commitment to satisfy one's all consuming lust	Commitment to another.
Meaning:	being controlled by brain chemistry; loss of ability to make rational evaluations of what is true, valuable and worthy of pursuit (similar to Meth)	Steadfast decision to commit yourself to another person.
Result:	emptiness, embarrassment, consequences of choices made while under the influence of mind numbing lust; high rates of VD; divorce, broken homes, increased juvenile delinquency;	Security, peace, a solid partnership which can provide the ideal atmosphere to raise confident secure children; a more stable society; radical decrease in the need for welfare, jails, lawyers and mental health counselors.
Interdependency:	Cannot be sustained without some portion of love and physical attraction, always desire to be close to that person at any cost.	Partnership.
Associated with:	Selfish uncontrollable desire; moisture	Decision to devote yourself to another person for better or worse.
Attribute:	will risk everything for the next hit of adrenalin	Communicates and negotiates appropriate expectations. Requires a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness.
Time Period:	takes off fast and furious like a spark in dry grass burns out quickly and leaves emptiness and destruction in a committed relationship may last 1.5 years, 3 if you are in the military

How love develops

Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important.

Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment.

Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction.

a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact.

b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common - hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground - then an emotional attraction starts to form.

An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred.

Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance.

(a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose of gaining something for yourself - like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not.

(b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness. Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out.

Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled.

Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau.

From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage.

Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, feelings, and dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears).

Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years.

Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times.

If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place.

Love is worth the effort ...

7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them

It's the rare couple that doesn't, sooner or later, run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time what those relationship problems can be, you'll have a much better chance of weathering the storm, experts say.

Ideally, a couple should discuss certain basic issues -- such as money, sex, and kids -- before they decide to start their life together. Of course, even when you do discuss these issues beforehand, marriage (or a long-term, live-in relationship) is nothing like you think it's going to be.

In spite of the fact that every marriage experiences relationship issues, successful couples have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, MS, author ofThe Marriage Turnaround. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday married life. Many do this by reading self-help books, attending seminars, browsing articles on the Web, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply by trial and error.

Here are some common issues and ways to resolve them:

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills, says Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. "You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make time ... yes, an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant, where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules ... like not interrupting until the other is through, banning phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ..."
• Remember that a large part of communication is listening, so be sure your body language reflects that. That means, don't doodle, look at your watch, pick at your nails, etc. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message and rephrase if necessary, such as, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm, and if what the other person really meant was, hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you, perhaps they'll say so but in a nicer way.

Relationship Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Compounding these problems, says Mary Jo Fay, is the fact that men and women alike are sorely lacking in sex education and sexual self-awareness. Yet, having sex is one of the last things we should be giving up, says Fay, who addresses the topic in her new book, Please Dear, Not Tonight. "Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy," she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Plan, plan, plan, Fay says. Make an appointment -- not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap. Or perhaps a "before-work quickie," Fay suggests. Or ask Grandma and Grandpa to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. "When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation," Fay says, adding that mixing things up a bit can increase your sexual enjoyment as well. Why not sex in the kitchen? Sex by the fire? Sex standing up in the hallway?
• California psychotherapist Allison Cohen, MA, MFT, also suggests learning what truly turns your partner on by asking him or her to come up with a personal "Sexy List." And, of course, you do the same. What do each of you truly find sexy? "The answers may surprise you." Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.
• If your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved on your own, Fay recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist, who can help you both address and resolve your issues.

Relationship Problem: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are said, from the expenses of courtship to the high cost of weddings. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies: The NFCC offers the following advice for having that much-needed financial conversation:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income is simply unrealistic.
• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties.
• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understanding that there are benefits to both, and agreeing to learn from each other's tendencies.
• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don't blame.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age, and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs, if necessary.

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores
Nowadays, most partners work outside the home -- and in today's economy -- often at more than one job, so it's important to equitably divide the labor at home, saysPaulette Kouffman Sherman, PhD. She is the author of Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home, Sherman says. "Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what." Be fair: Make sure each partner's tasks are equitable so no resentment builds.
• Be open to other solutions, Sherman adds: If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. As long as it feels fair to both people, you can be creative and take preferences into account.

Relationship Problem: Not Prioritizing Your Relationship

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point does not end when you say "I do." "Relationships lose their luster," says Karen Sherman, PhD, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last. "So make yours a priority."

Problem-solving strategies:

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Make gestures of appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate ... ." It lets your partner know that he/she matters.

Relationship Problem: Conflict

Occasional conflict is an inevitable part of life, says New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman, PhD, but if you and your partner feel like you are starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day, it's time to break free of this toxic routine. Recognizing these simple truths will lessen anger and enable you to take a calm look at the underlying issue.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Conflict resolution skills can help you and your partner learn to argue in a more constructive manner, says Silverman, who offers this advice:
• You are not a victim. It is your choice whether to react and how to react.
• Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments directed toward resolution, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the same way that has brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
• "You can't control anyone else's behavior," Silverman says. "The only one in your charge is you."

Relationship Problem: Trust

Trust is an essential part of a relationship. Are there certain behaviors that are causing you to not trust your partner, or do you have unresolved issues that are hindering you from trusting others?

Problem-solving strategies: You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips, suggested by Fay.

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don't lie -- not even little white lies, to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you'll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don't overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can't take back.
• Don't dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner's boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Although relationships have their ups and downs, there are things you can both do that may well minimize marriage problems, if not help avoid them altogether, says psychologist Karen Sherman. Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking -- is a Hollywood fantasy. "Ask for what you need directly," Karen Sherman says.

Use humor -- learn to let things go and enjoy one another more. And be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that it will be better with someone else; the same problems you have in this relationship because of lack of skills will still exist.

What is LOVE?

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. Sexual passion or desire.
4. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
5. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

6. To need or require; benefit greatly from
7. Affectionate concern for the well-being of others
8. The benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
9. Strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything
10. A personification of sexual affection