by Love Doctor

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TIPS FOR BUILDING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

How to strengthen your romantic relationship and make love last

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

What makes a healthy love relationship?

• Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 
• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

Romantic relationship help tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.

Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Romantic relationship help tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

• Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
• Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
• Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

• Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
• Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
• Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in diffusing tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill. Read: Playful Communication in Relationships.

Romantic relationship help tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.

So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

Use your senses to keep stress in check

If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Read: Quick Stress Relief.

Romantic relationship help tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

• Make sure you are fighting fair.
• Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
• Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
• Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

Romantic relationship help tip 5: Expect ups and downs

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

• Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
• Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
• Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.
• Don’t ignore problems. Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it but address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.

Romantic relationships require ongoing attention

Many couples focus on their relationship only when there are specific, unavoidable problems to overcome. Once the problems have been resolved they often switch their attention back to their careers, kids, or other interests. However, romantic relationships require ongoing attention and commitment for love to flourish. As long as the health of a romantic relationship remains important to you, it is going to require your attention and effort.

Signs of Falling in Love

Many individuals eagerly anticipate falling in love, because they have never experienced love or don't really know what being in love feels like. These romantic novices know that love is a euphoric emotion that they want to experience firsthand, and they may even go out of their way to hunt love out. If you think that the feelings you have for your current partner may be advancing from mere affection to full-fledged love, consider some common signs of love.

See also What Do Men Want in a Relationship?

Emotions

Happiness: Being in love is almost universally euphoria-inducing. If you find yourself a little more cheery as of late, you may be entering the throes of love. Connection: Most people reserve emotional connections for family members or individuals of major importance in their lives. If you feel an unexplainable strong emotional connection to your new partner, you are likely entering a love affair. Concern: Concern for the ones we love is only natural. If you find yourself concerned about your partner's physical and emotional well-being even when there is no reason to think that he is not fine, you are likely in love with the new man in your life.

See also 10 Ways to Show Someone How Much You Love Them

Physical Indication

Tingling: The fabled tingling that has long been associated with falling in love may be more than just a myth, according to Psychology Today. According to its study, many individuals falling in love actually do experience a palpable tingling sensation.

See also Lessons in Dating: Don't Date a Male Stripper!

Desires

Constant togetherness: Individuals falling in love often want to be with the object of their affection at all times. If you find that your new partner is oxygen to you, you likely more than just "like" the individual. Regular communication: According to Glamour magazine, individuals entering a hot and heavy romance often engage in almost constant communication, including rapid texting. A desire to pick up the phone and make contact with your new gal may mean that you are already falling head over heels. Professing love: Some people wait ages to finally tell a partner that they love him. Individuals commonly engage in this play-it-safe waiting game to ensure that they don't end up getting hurt by someone who doesn't return their feelings. However, if you are truly falling in love, you may find it impossible not to profess these emotions, regardless of how illogical the profession may be. Want to help: When someone is in love, they detest seeing their romantic partner in need. A constant desire to help your partner overcome any difficulties he may face is a sure-fire sign that you are serious about this new dude.

See also The Truth About Men and Sex...YIKES!

Actions

Daydreaming: Many lovers find their mind wandering even during important tasks and find themselves daydreaming about their new lover and their potential future life together. Easy communication: Many individuals falling in love are amazed by the ease with which they communicate with their new partner. According to Psychology Today, the ability to communicate easily with a potential mate likely means that you trust the person and are, at least in partly, in love with him. Bragging: Smitten kittens commonly brag about their partner to anyone who will hang around long enough to listen. According to Glamour magazine, if you can't help but make boastful statements about your newest partner, love is likely on the horizon. Pampering: If you are willing to rub your new man's tired feet or give him a three-hour back massage, you are likely motivated by the budding love that you feel for your newest heartthrob. Hobby hopping: If you find yourself willing to trade in your scrapbooking materials for a set of golf clubs or season tickets to the Lakers, you are likely more than just a little into your current partner. Compromise: Compromising is necessary in any relationship, but many people still resist giving in to these give-and-take arrangements. If you feel like you actually want to make compromises, you may just be falling in love. Changing: To make a relationship work, at least small amounts of change are commonly necessary. If you find yourself not loathing but instead looking forward to making these life modifications, you are likely in love.

Landon Pigg & Lucy Schwartz - Darling I Do

SONG LYRICS


Golden leaves looked brown to me. 
The world had less color without you 
Shapes in the sky looked plain to my eyes. 
The world had less color without you 
I... know... plenty of people with eyes... closed 
they don't see you like I do 
Darling I do 

Notes on the keys meant nothing to me. 
The world didn't sing without you 
Birds in the trees fell silent for me. 
The world didn't sing without you. 
Without you... 
I... know... plenty of people with eyes... closed 
they don't see you like I do 
Darling I do 
Darling I do see you 

I... know.. Plenty of people with eyes.. closed.. 
They don't see you like 
I.. know.. Plenty of people with eyes.. closed.. 
They don't see you like 
I.. know.. plenty of people with eyes.. closed.. 
They don't see you like I do. 
Darling I do 
Darling I do 
Darling I do 
I do 
Darling I do 
Darling I do see you.

How to develop Love

how does love work?

Love can be developed in many ways, but the most effective way is through looking at the Master, into the eyes of the Master. Eyes are the windows of the soul. The Master is always within at the eye focus, so when you talk to Him, you should always be attentive there. He is also attentive when He talks and soul speaks to soul. The Master gives lessons through the eyes without talking. He is overflowing with the love and intoxication of God, and the radiation comes through His eyes very strongly. Those who are embedded in His eyes by receptivity get a boost. There are other means too, but this is the most effective.

This is how we should attend Satsang, so as to derive full benefit from it. When you come to the place of Satsang, just forget your homes. When you come here and sit, forget everybody else. You will even forget your own body. Just be embedded into the eyes of the Master. You will forget your body because eyes are the windows of the soul, and the soul radiates its impressions through the eyes.. This is the most effective way of developing love. There are other means, such as having the society of those people who are overflowing with the love of their Guru. When two disciples of the Master sit together, their love for the Master will flare up.

When you happen to go to a Master, just embed your attention into His eyes. Because He is overflowing with the love and intoxication of God, that comes direct to you. With the overflowing love in Him, what words cannot convey, His eyes can convey. Those very impressions go into the heart and wherever you sit, you will enjoy that sweetness. This is how love develops. Who gives it? It is first He who loves us. It is first the mother who loves the child. The child's love is only reciprocal. The question then arises, how to maintain this love? We should not be business-like. Sometimes we want this and that thing of the world. We should wholly have the love of the Master for the love of the Master. This is how that love can be maintained. What sort of love is required? We should have always a respectful love. Sometimes out of love we transcend our bounds. Sometimes we just try to vie with the Master. Well, the king is the king and the minister is the minister. The king may give the minister a good position and even make the minister sit by his side. Still the minister should think that he is a minister, not the king. Because of misunderstanding, we sometimes transcend the bounds of love. The king will not say anything but he will see that it is not respectful.

I was just relating a story of Humayun, who was a great king of India. He had one servant, Ayaz by name, whom he loved most of all. His ministers approached him and said, "It is a very strange thing, you love your servant so much that you do not love us. Why is this so?" The king replied, "Because my servant takes me as king." His ministers then said, "Do we not take you as king?" "No, not the least," replied the king. One day, the king sent for a cup that was embedded with jewels from his treasure house. It was a very costly cup, the most costly of all his treasures. The king put it in front of him and asked each one of his ministers to break it. He ordered them to break it. Each minister said, "O king, this is a most valuable thing, one of the wonders of the world, it should not be broken." One by one, all of the ministers refused to break the cup. The king then called his servant and said to him, "Break it!" Without any hesitation, the servant took a stick in his hand and broke the cup. The king then said to his servant, "Don't you know that you have broken a very valuable treasure?" The servant replied, "O king, this cup has no value as compared to the cup of your order."

You follow me? Implicit obedience and love which is always respectful gives you more than any other discipline. You may have other enjoyments, other appreciations, but unless you remain a minister, you will lose out. He might give you the kingship, but even then you should remain a minister at heart. Once I wrote to my Master and craved Him for love (it is the Master who can give love; it is He who first loves us), but such a love which was respectful. He got that letter and put it on His breast and said, "I want love, but it should be a respectful love."

So these are the teachings which are given here. How love can be developed; how it can be maintained and further, who gives it. Also, what sort of love it should be. It should always be in a respectful mood. God is love. Love is innate in our soul and the way back to God is also through love. All performances, making obeisance and other things are the symbols of the respect that you have got at heart. The more you develop that way the better, and, as I told you, the most effective way is through the eyes. One love pouring glance from the Master will go to the very depths of your heart and you will remember it all through your life; you cannot forget it.

These details are not given in the books. These are practical things which you learn from a practical man. If you get it, well, as I told you the other day, you will be detached from the world, you will have detachment at heart. When you are attached to One wholly and solely, that is true renunciation. That love which cannot be expressed by words is expressed through the eyes of the Giver to the eyes of the receiver and goes to the very depths of the heart. So this is what is meant by these little talks here. We must understand and see, find out where we stand.

Infatuation VS Love

Love and Infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another person. These feelings are most often confused for each other by many people. But the two feelings differ in their actuality of love, intensity and final outcome.

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relationship when sexual attraction is central. Love can be described as feeling of intense affection for another person. It is most often talked about as an emotion between two persons. Hence is also sometimes referred to as interpersonal love.

Comparison chart

Improve this chart

	Infatuation	Love
Definition:	Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning desire.	A decision to commit oneself to another and to work through conflicts instead of giving up. A deeper understanding or care.
Feelings associated with:	All consuming euphoria similar to recreational drug use (addictive chemical reactions in the brain), stupidity (cupidity)	A deep affection; contentment, confidence.
Sub-Categories:	Physical desire, crush, or lust , hormonal activity, addictive chemical reactions in the brain	Intimacy, commitment, security.
Symptoms:	urgency, intensity, sexual desire, anxiety, high risk choices, reckless abandonment of what was once valued	Faithfulness, confidence. Willingness to make sacrifices for another. Working at settling differences. Able to compromise so that either both win or at least give the other person's opinion a chance.
Person to Person:	reckless commitment to satisfy one's all consuming lust	Commitment to another.
Meaning:	being controlled by brain chemistry; loss of ability to make rational evaluations of what is true, valuable and worthy of pursuit (similar to Meth)	Steadfast decision to commit yourself to another person.
Result:	emptiness, embarrassment, consequences of choices made while under the influence of mind numbing lust; high rates of VD; divorce, broken homes, increased juvenile delinquency;	Security, peace, a solid partnership which can provide the ideal atmosphere to raise confident secure children; a more stable society; radical decrease in the need for welfare, jails, lawyers and mental health counselors.
Interdependency:	Cannot be sustained without some portion of love and physical attraction, always desire to be close to that person at any cost.	Partnership.
Associated with:	Selfish uncontrollable desire; moisture	Decision to devote yourself to another person for better or worse.
Attribute:	will risk everything for the next hit of adrenalin	Communicates and negotiates appropriate expectations. Requires a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness.
Time Period:	takes off fast and furious like a spark in dry grass burns out quickly and leaves emptiness and destruction in a committed relationship may last 1.5 years, 3 if you are in the military

How love develops

Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important.

Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment.

Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction.

a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact.

b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common - hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground - then an emotional attraction starts to form.

An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred.

Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance.

(a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose of gaining something for yourself - like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not.

(b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness. Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out.

Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled.

Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau.

From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage.

Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, feelings, and dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears).

Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years.

Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times.

If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place.

Love is worth the effort ...